


Never Wanted to Leave

by NinjaKitten



Category: Nowhere Boys (TV)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Sorta unrequited love, kind of s/m i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-17 19:20:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1399489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NinjaKitten/pseuds/NinjaKitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Felix needs Jake and Jake doesn't know why he cares. Rated for non-explicit sexual situations and tons of swearing because Jake has a dirty mouth</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Jake

Jake has always fucking hated Felix Ferne from the moment they entered middle school together. It’s after school when Jake’s walking home and Felix fucking pisses him off with another one of those smartarse comments that Jake honestly doesn’t fucking feel bad when he punches Felix. But it’s a different feeling to usual and he’s watching Felix for any retaliation when Felix just licks the blood off his lips and smirks at Jake like it’s a fucking challenge. Jake is only thinking about how much he hates Felix when he pushes him up against the wall and kisses him. Felix kisses back and it’s hot and fierce and feels better than anything in the world. Jake is keeping control, pushing Felix into the wall, his grip tight enough to bruise. Felix just moans into the kiss and slides his hands into the back pockets of Jake’s jeans. Jake pulls away, slams Felix into the wall one more time and walks off, his mouth tasting like blood and metal.

 

* * *

Felix is ditching class again. Jake stares at the empty seat and digs his short nails into his palms. The goth has been doing this for a few days now, skipping out at lunch to go make out with some fucking arsehole from another school. Not that Jake fucking cares who Felix is with.

 

* * *

The second time is when Jake sees Felix walking home alone after class. Felix notices him at the same time and turns down a narrow street, giving Jake a backwards glance that had to be a fucking invitation. Jake follows him because ever since the first time he can’t stop thinking about what Felix tasted like. Almost before Jake knows what’s happening he’s got Felix trapped against the brick wall. Felix is just giving him that same fucking look as before and Jake wants so badly to be in control that he’s sinking his teeth into Felix’s neck. Felix’s response is quick and unexpected, pulling Jake even closer by the belt loops of his jeans. Jake bites down harder and he’s encouraged by those little mewls of pain that Felix is making. This time Jake just lets Felix put his hands all over him and returns the favour as he finally kisses him properly. The taste of metal is still there even though the blood isn’t, and Jake pulls on the piercings a lot more gently than he meant to. Then it hits him that he’s making out with Felix Ferne in a fucking alleyway and he hasn’t hurt Felix in a way anywhere near what he originally intended. Jake pulls away but Felix insistently keeps him close in a way that makes Jake think maybe Felix needs this as much as he does. He’s still not really sure why he needs him but he has to have a reason to be pushing his hands up under Felix’s shirt like this.

 

* * *

Jake’s in the middle of nowhere with Sam and two complete freaks, staring off into space while the others sleep. Then Felix’s hand is on his shoulder like Jake’s completely fucking fine with the contact and he’s asking if Jake is okay. He’s close to losing control and admitting he’s scared so he just shoves Felix away and stalks off, pretending he doesn’t see the hurt in those pretty eyes.

 

* * *

 

Sam and Andy are asleep and Jake is hoping no one can hear his quiet but fucking uncontrollable crying. He’s not that fucking weak but he really just wants to go home. He’s almost over it when Felix comes over yet again and tries to talk to him. Jake’s about to deck him when Felix pulls the blankets back and then he’s actually in Jake’s bed. Felix looks like he’s going to fucking cuddle him so Jake rolls over and pins Felix to the bed. He’s really goddamn close to Felix now and the lines have been so far blurred that he’s not sure whether he’s supposed to want to hurt him or kiss him. Something about the look in Felix’s eyes makes up his mind for him and he’s running his tongue along Felix’s lip piercings. Jake hears Felix moan in a breathy way that should totally make him sound like a girl but doesn’t. Felix’s hands are on his chest and he’s telling Jake to back off because they’ll wake up the others. Jake just bites Felix hard enough to make him yelp in pain and tells him he’d better be quiet then.

 

* * *

Andy and Sam aren’t talking to Felix and Jake is conflicted. It’s all been Felix’s fault the whole time but somehow he’s having trouble feeling his old hate. Maybe that’s why Jake pulls Felix close and kisses him more gently than ever, and he doesn’t even miss the metal rings. Felix twists his hands in Jake’s shirt and it’s not until Jake tastes salt that he realises Felix is crying.

 

* * *

Jake sinks his teeth deeper into Felix’s lower lip and presses even closer. He’s not thinking about anything except the way Felix is arching up against him when he bites just the right spot, and the feel of Felix’s bare skin under his fingertips. Jake pulls back and roughly removes Felix’s worn t-shirt, running his hands down Felix’s spine as they kiss once more. Jake’s shirt is on the floor and Felix is trying to undo Jake’s belt without breaking the kiss. Jake is determined to finally take this to the next level of this sick little game he’s playing. All week he’s been seeing how far he can take this, forcing Felix to stay silent as Jake kisses and bites him in the middle of the night in the darkened room they share with the others. Locked in Phoebe’s bathroom, they’re just close enough to the shop for her to hear if they’re too loud. Jake slides Felix’s tight jeans off and wonders how the fuck he got here.

 

* * *

They’re back home and Felix looks so fucking hopeful when Jake asks to talk that he almost changes his mind. But it’s not going to happen and they both know it, so Jake rips out Felix’s heart and pretends he doesn’t know why he cares.

 

* * *

They’ve all had a really fucked up few days and Jake should just be enjoying seeing his mum again. After the news about Bates, though, he’s jogging through the darkened streets trying to remember how to breathe. Felix is leaning up against the same wall that Jake pushed him up against an eternity ago and Jake nearly runs away because he thinks he’s about to tell Felix he never wanted him to leave. He wishes he was anywhere else but it’s too late and Felix is calling his name. Jake wants so fucking badly to just kiss Felix even after he punches Jake in the face, and as Jake watches Felix walk away he wonders if he’ll ever have a chance to make this mean something.


	2. Felix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix's POV of the first chapter

Felix has always known that Jake Riles hates him. He’s known it from the first time Jake beat him up after school in Year 9, and that was also the moment that Felix realised that he actually likes it when Jake does that thing where he pushes Felix up against the wall and gets way closer than he probably realises. It’s gotten to the point that Felix deliberately antagonises Jake to the point of physical retaliation. Felix tries really fucking hard to get Jake to notice him and he realises Jake can’t resist a challenge. He still doesn’t even know if what he did is going to work when he’s suddenly pressed into the wall with Jake’s lips on his. Jake’s grip is painful but the pain has a hell of an effect on Felix. He’s touching Jake in a way that’s quite possibly extremely inappropriate considering Jake’s reaction. Felix watches Jake walk away and doesn’t go home until he’s out of sight, dodging Oscar until he can clean the blood off.

 

* * *

Felix doesn’t really want a boyfriend but he can’t help it, the blond looks so much like Jake. It’s not like they’re even together, they just make out while Felix fucking wishes that it was Jake’s teeth grazing his throat.

 

* * *

Jake clearly doesn’t really know how to be subtle when he’s watching Felix walk home and Felix isn’t really all that fucking subtle either when he’s challenging Jake. So when Felix passes a deserted alley he doesn’t even try to disguise his clear invitation. He knows that it’s kind of fucked up how badly he wants Jake to hurt him but by now it’s not even just wanting him anymore, Felix feels like he needs Jake to be around. Jake bites him hard and Felix pulls him closer, feeling like he’s finally able to breathe. Felix just gives in and touches Jake, and the best part is that he’s finally allowed to. Jake is tugging on Felix’s lip piercings and it feels like he’s finally losing some of the damn control he fights so hard to keep. Felix has one hand resting on Jake’s back and the other in the pocket of Jake’s jeans, and it’s easy to keep Jake pressed up against him. Somehow it feels totally natural to have Jake’s warm hands pressed against Felix’s bare skin and for once Felix feels like he’s actually safe.

 

* * *

Felix tries to avoid waking Sam and Andy when he follows Jake away from their little camp. Jake isn’t acting normally and it scares Felix because Jake is supposed to be the one who has everything under control. Felix just asks Jake if he’s okay and then pretends he doesn’t care when he’s pushed away again.

 

* * *

Felix is faking being asleep to get away from his life for just a minute. He wants to help Phoebe but he doesn’t know how, and he’s probably never needed Jake quite this much. Felix gives up when he hears Jake crying, but of course Jake doesn’t admit anything. Felix isn’t really sure why he joins Jake in the narrow bed and he doesn’t even know whether he wants Jake to hurt him or kiss him, but hopes Jake can work it out. Jake’s tongue is playing with Felix’s lip piercings again and Felix can’t help making a really fucking embarrassing noise when Jake pulls at the metal. He pushes Jake off and gives some really lame excuse about waking up Andy and Sam, like he even cares when Jake is touching him. Jake just bites him so hard he cries out and Jake tells him to shut up.

 

* * *

Felix does feel fucking guilty about the whole thing and it’s almost like the others don’t realise it. The worst part is when Jake walks away from him and doesn’t seem even a little bit conflicted. Felix’s fears are eased when Jake comes back and kisses him, and he was so right in thinking it would be so different, and so soft, without the piercings. Jake holds Felix close and it feels like it means something this time, and Felix is pretty sure he’s crying because he knows it doesn’t.

 

* * *

They’ve been doing this for so long now that Jake knows exactly where to bite to make Felix completely lose control. Jake’s fingertips are tracing fire along Felix’s skin and Felix is letting Jake undress him because he can’t fucking wait for Jake to touch him. It’s difficult to focus on undoing Jake’s belt while being kissed like this but Felix is going to do this even if it kills him. Jake smirks into the kiss and helps Felix with the fucking aggravating belt buckle. Jake moves away and then latches onto Felix’s throat. Felix fights the urge to vocally respond, painfully aware of how near they are to Phoebe. Jake is touching Felix, trying to make him break the rule of silence, testing how far he can push him. Felix wasn’t sure about how far this was going but he’s pretty sure once Jake strips their jeans off and his hands travel lower.

 

* * *

Once they’re home, Felix isn’t that fucking worried about Jake because they were doing this long before their trip to Crazytown and he’s fine with it even if Jake doesn’t want to go that far again. When Jake asks to talk Felix can’t help the hope that Jake is going to ask him if he wants this whole fucked up thing to be something. Jake looks like he’s about to kiss Felix and then nearly kills him instead.

 

* * *

Felix can’t stand being home, can’t act like nothing’s changed and pretend Jake didn’t fucking break his heart. That’s probably why he’s here, trying to remember what it felt like to be held down under Jake, even as the bite marks on his throat are fading away. Jake is jogging past and Felix calls out before he can stop himself. He doesn’t even want to see Jake after what he did to him but he has to ask if Jake’s even sorry. Felix punches Jake in the face after his answer and walks away wondering why the fuck he still needs Jake.


	3. Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake and Felix struggle with feelings and Jake says he's sorry

Felix is trying not to fucking cry into his pillow like some stereotypical teenage girl but it’s kind of hard. His hand hurts from where he punched Jake because hitting people has always been more Jake’s area of expertise than Felix’s. His life sucks enough with the failure of his spell to cure Oscar and he really needs Jake right now.

 

* * *

Jake bites the back of his hand to stop himself from saying a certain name over and over when he’s alone in his room. He can’t get his mind off Felix and the way he’s pretty sure he’s fucked everything up so completely that Felix won’t talk to him ever again. Sometimes Jake really wishes he could forget everything he ever did with Felix just so he wouldn’t feel so fucking bad, but at the same time he wants the memories to never fade.

 

* * *

Felix is walking home from school with Ellen as usual and he’s so distracted by the sight of Jake in the distance that he doesn’t hear what Ellen’s saying. She looks kind of pissed when he admits he wasn’t listening, but she must not be too upset because she’s fucking kissing him. Felix panics and pulls away and tries to fix this and wishes he’d never said whatever it was that made her think this was okay. He doesn’t want to be like Jake.

 

* * *

Jake watches Ellen kiss Felix and for once he’s actually kind of fucking jealous. He is reminded of that time he saw Felix with someone else before everything started to go wrong. Those images flash through his mind, some unnamed guy touching Felix the way Jake is supposed to, and then he’s thinking about the way Felix bites his lip like he’s reminding Jake what he wants, as if he would ever forget. Jake is kind of worried that Felix is going to fucking leave him or something until he reminds himself that they’re not even together. It’s Jake’s lucky day or something because Felix looks totally freaked out by the whole thing and Ellen’s walking off alone. Jake follows Felix to the park where he just sits by himself and Jake’s about to join him before he realises he’s acting like some kind of fucking stalker. He’s leaving when he hears Felix sniffling like he’s about to cry and even though it’s so inexcusably not like what he would normally do, Jake sits next to him and just says hi, being so careful it’s like he thinks Felix is going to break. They sit in silence for a few minutes until Jake whispers that he’s sorry and Felix says he has to get home.

 

* * *

The moment in the park was painfully awkward but Felix is okay with it because Jake was holding his hand like he actually cared and Felix can’t recall ever having heard Jake Riles apologise to him about anything. It’s really obvious that Jake saw what Ellen did but neither of them wants to talk about it, especially because Felix doesn’t even know what to say to Ellen, let alone Jake. For now, he’s out of it with his fucking stupid excuse that he doesn’t know if he likes girls, but he knows Ellen and her inevitable questioning. She’s eventually going to start asking the difficult questions and there isn’t any good way for Felix to tell her that he let Jake fuck him, especially when he still can’t really believe it himself.

 

* * *

It’s really difficult for Jake to be around Felix, when all he wants to do is hold him down and kiss him, the reappearance of the now untouchable lip piercings making it too damn hard to resist. Jake still has a couple of classes with Felix and he watches him when he’s bored, memorising the way Felix plays with the metal rings. It’s not easy to realise that he now devotes almost all his waking hours to thinking about the boy who he used to use as a punching bag. It was also sort of weird to hear Felix admit that he pissed Jake off on purpose, that he liked it when Jake hit him. It shouldn’t have been that surprising; Jake has an image permanently etched into his mind of the bruising and scratches marring Felix’s skin after they fucked in Phoebe’s bathroom so long ago. He remembers tracing the marks and watching how much it affected Felix in the best way possible when he inflicted more damage. It wasn’t so much that Jake liked causing Felix pain but that he liked being in control, and of course Felix really fucking liked it when Jake hurt him. The problem was that Jake had hurt him badly in a different way, and it seemed so wrong to see those pretty eyes fill with tears because of Jake. Sometimes Jake wonders if he always knew he was going to end it and how the hell he let himself go so far.

 

* * *

Felix has a photo of Jake in his room and he knows it’s fucking creepy but he’s keeping it because it’s better than nothing at all. He doesn’t have it displayed or anything, it’s just there, hidden in the back pages of his journal.

 

* * *

Bates isn’t quite as psycho now but he seems to think it’s a fucking great idea to do in-class group assignments. For once Felix and Ellen aren’t automatically together and Jake goes to sit with Felix before he realises that would be fucking insane. It’s too late though and Jake thinks it might not be such a bad idea after all when Felix deliberately brushes his hand against Jake’s every five seconds.

 

* * *

Contrary to popular belief, Jake does actually care about stuff other than sport. When Felix mentions he’s home alone on the weekend Jake stupidly asks if Felix wants him to come over to watch a movie or something, and he’s not sure whether he should be hoping the answer is no. Jake thinks he would actually rather go fight another demon than be here in Felix’s room, going through an extensive horror movie collection trying to find one that won’t make him act like a scared little kid. Felix leans over him to pull a DVD off the shelf and Jake presses into the contact, acting like nothing happened when Felix backs away. They’re halfway through the movie when Felix shifts closer to Jake, pressing against his side. Jake stops breathing for a second and tries not to fucking pounce on Felix because that probably wouldn’t be appreciated. He’s pretty sure that Felix would be totally okay with it though when he feels hot breath on his neck and realises Felix’s hand is resting way too far up his leg for it to be innocent. Jake turns and Felix kisses him, and Jake carefully tugs on the lip piercings that he’s been missing for too long. Kissing Felix is starting to feel like a natural part of Jake’s life and he can’t believe he did anything to fuck this up. They’re interrupted by screams from the TV, and Felix breaks away to turn it off. Jake watches Felix’s movements and he’s completely fine with the way he’s looking at Felix the way he used to look at girls. Jake bites back a moan when Felix repositions himself in Jake’s lap and then they’re kissing again, and Jake has his hand tangled in Felix’s dark hair and he had never had any idea that he would find this kind of situation so fucking hot.

 

* * *

Felix is having trouble sleeping but there are no similarities between this and the nights he spent wishing he meant something to Jake. Instead he can’t stop thinking about Jake pulling at his hair and how it felt to be kissing him without any of Jake’s fucking games, to not have to choke back the noises he made when Jake told him exactly what he wanted to do to him. Felix didn’t let Jake do anything more than just kiss, and it was intriguing to see what it felt like to be in control for once. Not that Jake ever had to work very hard to convince Felix to let him do whatever he wanted.

 

* * *

Jake walks home a different way to usual because he’s sort of worked up after the unexpected developments with Felix and he needs more time to clear his head. His new path takes him straight past Ellen’s house and she’s outside which presents a pretty fucking awkward situation. Jake didn’t get around to asking Felix what happened but he guessed by the way he had his tongue in Jake’s mouth that he isn’t dating her. She probably doesn’t know the other stuff because he can’t imagine Felix telling her that he spent his nights trying to stay quiet as Jake bit his throat hard enough to leave marks, or that he was covered in bruises for days after he begged Jake to fuck him. She isn’t attacking him as he walks past anyway, just treats him with the usual contempt as Jake tries not to feel so smug when he tells himself that he won.

 


End file.
